Susan Hum | Signs That You Have Found Your Soulmate
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Signs That You Have Found Your Soulmate

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I don’t know how many times over the past many years people have asked me how to know whether someone is “The One”.  Perhaps I need to clarify the true definition of “The One”.  In our life, there exist many different life partners who can appear at any given time.  “The One”, or soulmate, doesn’t necessarily have to mean that a particular person is the only right one for you in your life.  This really all depends on how ready YOU are to be in a truly fulfilling relationship.  Different partners can come and go within a lifetime.  A soulmate is someone you are meant to meet in your life because they appear in order to make a significant impact on what you are meant to learn and to spiritually grow in that particular period of your life.

What I mean by “spiritually” is your mental, emotional and psychological state of being.  This is why there are times when two people seem so in love at the beginning of a relationship but then, years later, the relationship fizzles.  One or both of the individuals have grown spiritually at a different pace or in a different way than the other, and are no longer complimenting each other’s growth and spiritual development.  It is this moment I call the relationship expiry date, the other person is no longer “The One”; another soulmate should or will appear.  Whether or not the next “The One” will appear is completely dependent on how authentic and honest you are with yourself.  This is the ONLY reason every single “The One” is our opposite, as he/she is meant to make us look into ourselves to become more balanced.

Here are the signs that he/she is THAT ONE for happily ever after:

Sign #1:  There is a mutual respect for the each other’s mind; this is important because both need to be able to challenge one another enough to continuously push each other out of their comfort zones.  Respecting someone’s mind doesn’t mean they have to be smarter or more intelligent than you are.  It simply means that both minds work very differently and therefore you both are able to complement with different mindsets.  For example, my husband and I are polar opposites in how our minds work.  He is extremely analytical and detail oriented, whereas I predominantly operate on an intuitive level where logic is sometimes lacking and I don’t need to “know” so much.  My “knowing” is not dependent on “data/information” but rather a feeling.  In spite of this, albeit with much stubbornness on my part, he has taught me that taking some time to think things through can also be important in controlling my impulsiveness and, vice versa, he has learned that “belief” does not always need proof or logic and it is belief that will create our reality.

Sign #2:  The attributes that most annoy you about the other person are more likely what you love about them and what you need in yourself.  I know this sounds ridiculous, but it is true.  For example, my hubby is so extremely meticulous in always ensuring the delivery of the highest quality of work (perfectionist!) that the time he takes to help me with reviewing documents can take what seems forever and it used to drive me crazy.  Instead of trying to change him to be like me, I realized early on that I chose him because he is so thoughtful and smart, which is why I so respect him.  For this reason, why should I ever want him to be like me (much less meticulous and more impatient)?  The natural instinct of humans is to take the easy road and that applies to choosing that life partner.  The easy way is choosing someone who doesn’t challenge you on a deep level, or someone who fears you or feels sorry for you.  Sorry everyone … that is not “The One”, it’s a mother or father.  When choosing a love relationship, the most fulfilling ones are those that take us outside our comfort zone, that make us question ourselves and that are meant to make us learn certain life lessons in order to evolve spiritually.

Sign #3:  The other person completes you.  Now I need to spend some time explaining what this means, because I believe there is a lot of misunderstanding around this concept.  What I mean by someone “completing you” doesn’t mean that he/she can just fill a space of loneliness or void.  No way!  Before you can even say “completes me”, you need to have done the self-exploration work to get to a place of confidence and empowerment.  What this means is that you have learned your “life lessons” and you have let yourself undergo many stages of “discomfort zones” to be able to know yourself very well.  The “completion of you” is on a soul-purpose level.  The other person should complete you only in a way that each other’s strengths and weaknesses are complementary to one another and, on this level, you can evolve by feeling safe enough to push outside the boundaries of your comfort zone.  To compromise, or meet your partner in the middle, may take you into territory that makes you uncomfortable.  When you are in such a state of mind, you need to first consider why you are feeling uncomfortable.  There are two types of discomfort that exist: one that is good for us, where we need to push past the discomfort, and another that is presented to us in order to draw the line and take a stand against moving forward.

Sign #4:  The comfort zone test.  Most people are able to say what their fears are but most don’t know those fears that lie deep within the subconscious mind.  When you live and share your life with someone, these subconscious emotions, which drive your reactions, are triggered from time to time, which is a big clue as to what your specific life lessons and deep fears are.  “The One” will instill the trust necessary for you to truly open up and talk about these emotions.  “The One” should provide you with a safe environment to be able to open up on the deepest emotional level so you can learn and grow.  And of course, this goes both ways.

Sign #5:  Trust, trust, trust.  A level of “trust” is manifested in many different ways, but there are three elements of trust that are the most important elements to consider when ascertaining whether someone is your soulmate or not.  One is that you are able to dive into very deep and contentious conversations on subjects that are outside of each other’s comfort zone.  With deep conversations comes deep intimacy, but to do this successfully there must be complete trust in the other person in order to open up and demonstrate vulnerability.  True intimacy cannot exist without open/honest communication, and the only way to achieve this is to trust your soulmate enough to show your vulnerability.  By the way, vulnerability does not only mean crying when you are feeling hurt … it means opening yourself up fully to coexist with another person on all levels: financially, emotionally, mentally and physically.  A parent-child connection comes from a source of dependence/co-dependence, but soulmates co-exist.  It is important not to confuse the two.

Sign #6:  The “win” is no longer important.  There is no longer a need to compete or to be better than your partner.  With the right partner, you will relinquish the NEED to be right.  Self-righteousness is a sign that you don’t respect another.  With a soulmate, you want the other person to be happy even if it means that you give in to something you may want stubbornly to hold onto.   A soulmate empowers you to no longer have the need to protect yourself, and you no longer need to be self-absorbed in your own issues.  It is no longer “you” or “me” … it is US.

The other aspect you need to consider is what kind of soulmate you want.  Some people like me want a soulmate who will deliver passion, unconditional love and equal respect.  You may be satisfied with finding a soulmate who is like a roommate to you.  Either is fine as long as you are honest with what you want.  The problem I have seen with many people is they deeply want the passionate soulmate but are not willing to endure the hardship of compromising, sharing and trust, and they end up settling for the sibling or parental type of relationship.  When this type of settling occurs, the person who is relinquishing what is in his/her heart of hearts will feel empty, and true deep happiness cannot be realized.  Whatever you choose to live with, always be cognizant that authenticity will lead you to fulfillment and inner peace.  This is where love and paradise co-exist.

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